Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Local super hero Andy Bestwick gearing up for a strong race or Heisman run?
Hey Andy.... who you chasin?
Lance flew in from New York for the race and looked pretty strong.
Another local super hero, Danny Kam, after his bike change.
Baby and Mama enjoying the action.
Over the watchful eye of the "Drunkin Sailor"
Monday, September 22, 2008
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Fast fwd to this morning. Wide awake at 3am, I decide to just get up because I have to be awake by 5am anyway. What's two hours right?
So I head down stairs and turn on the Olympics. I love the Olympics! 100m sprint is on. Finally some track and field! I don't know how much more beach volleyball I could watch. So, I am a little bummed that Tyson Gay (world champ from US) didn't qualify but none the less still something other than volleyball.
Now.... my dissappointment is this: (sorry for the poor quality)
20 meters from the line Usain Bolt starts to celebrate. 20 meters from the line?? Are you kidding me? The lead he had, at under 9 seconds is in-human. Yes he finished with a world record time of 9.69, but again he started his celebration with 20 meters to go. Give me a break.. shades of Ben Johnson? I say test Usain, and then test him again.
Sure I may be jaded because of what I have seen in cycling the last 10 years, but come on. I am sure Jamaica is not that scientifically advanced to cover up doping.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Sunday, July 13, 2008
With no more than a weeks experience, and never before conducting an interview on her own, Squirrel Droppings had to call up Sloane Parker to the big leagues for her first in-depth interview!
More suprised at who she was interviewing, than the fact that she got the call....
the rookie reporter dove right in with the hard hitting personal questions meant to rattle the cage of the one they call Lance Coburn.
SP: How come your garage aint as cool as my dads?
LC: Ummmmmm.... I think your dad is smarter than me.
SP: And why don't you win all of the races you enter?
LC: Ummmmmm.... I think your dad is better looking than me.
SP: Oh snap!!!!!! I just found out the Boss won Cascade. I can't talk to you anymore!
SP: Hey Louie how does it feel to take Rogers money?
LA: You know, it's a great race and I traveled to Oregon to do my best. RS and Pooh rode like real soldiers, I owe alot to them.
SP: How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?
LA: He could chuck as much wood as a wood chuck could if a wood chuck could chuck wood.
SP: I think I pooped!
LA: Um, get ahold of yourself!
SP: So how's your hand.
LA: It really wasn't a problem.
SP: I heard it was cut off in a crash during the crit.
LA: Yeah good thing was there was plenty of Jack Daniels for me to numb the pain and RS sewed it back on with a rusty nail and some fishing line.
SP: He sure is smart!
LA: That's why we love him.
SP: So what's next on the calander for you?
LA: I may take a stab at time travel.
SP: Ooooooooohh. That would be cool.
LA: Yeah, I got some old tin cans and a transistor radio in the garage. Now all I need is 12 walnuts and porta pottie and I think I can visit 1987.
SP: Why 1987?
LA: That was when I swam to Vegas from Cuba.
SP: You can't swim to Vegas from Cuba.
LA: I can!
SP: How do you get through Cleveland?
LA: Swim harder, breath less.
SP: Do you like ponies?
LA: Sure I do.
SP: Will you buy me one?
LA: I'll see if I can bring one back in my time machine from 1987.
SP: Oh that would be fantastic!
LA: Looks like you are getting pretty big now.
SP: Yeah, I am up to 7lbs 5oz now.
LA: Holy smackers it seems like just yesterday you were 7lbs 2oz.
SP: I was.
SP: Ok. I gotta go take a nap now for the 14th time today.
LA: Good give your dad and mom a rest would ya!
SP: Congrats on the great win at Cascade!
LA: Thanks kiddo!
Back at the office, Bernard was a little suprised when Sloane laid down for her nap. He must have heard how successful her interview was and is a little worried she may step into the lead reporter role.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Unbeknownst to both Sloane and Bernard, S.D. bugged the press room to record their first conversation..
B.H. You know this is my beat.
B.H. Yeah, I do the interviews here.
S.L. I'm only a baby I can't really talk so I don't know how my questions would sound.
B.H. Yeah, I don't have lips and I'm actually a dog, so maybe we can work off of each others cues and score some great interviews.
S.L. I think I just poop'd in my diaper!
B.H. sniff sniff. yep!
A pretty harmless/uneventfull meeting. Sloane and Bernard set off for their first interview together.
They find themselves at TNW to interview some of their favorite people. In attendance is the entire PT cycling team.... Duh. First to stop for a chat is the one they call King.
King: Hey Bernard, who is your little partner?
BH: Sloan she just showed up the other day. I don't know if I like her.
King: Wow! Don't be a hater.
BH: I don't hate her, but she cries alot and she stinks!
BH: So I guess you won a race now?
King: AZ state championships!
SL: Fart fart.... I'm hungry!
BH: And an upgrade?
King: Cat III!!
In walks the Wingman.
WM: Hey I won a race, how come you never interview'd me?
BH: Um.... who are you again?
WM: No respect! I bury myself for this team and no one notices when I win.
In walks the Boss.
LA: Oh we noticed bro. It's about time you took one...two for yourself!
SL: Hi Louie! How many races have you won now?
In walks the Enforcer.
KB: F him..... I won a race too!
SL: Holy Crap! how many races has this team won now?
LA: No body knows.... your lazy dad is supposed to keep track!
SL: I think he's been a little preocupied for the past couple of months. He'll catch up, never you fret!
In walks Pamela Anderson.
SL: Look lunch!!
BH: Whoops wrong pair kiddo!
In walks the Chicken.
MA: It's okay. I'll take care of her.
LA: Who? Pam or Sloane?
Pam leaves the room, realizing this is the wrong party. The chicken quickly scurries after her.
MA: (screaming) Come back!!
KB: Okay. This is out of control and I am board as hell with this interview, I'm outta here!
LA: Me too!
In walks Robocop, The Deciple, RS, Polako and the Squirrel.
AS: Why don't you two interview these guys as well.
SL: Jesus dad, with so many wins and my limited vocabulary we can't interview everyone!
BH: I can do it, I can do it!
AS: Okay, shoot.
BH: Robo, what is your favorite color?
RC: Beer and hot weather.
BH: Deciple, have you ever ate a cat turd?
BH: I have! They're delicious!
BH: RS, how come you are so strong.
RS: Cause I don't know any better.
AS: Not quite the questions we were looking for Bernard! You ate a cat turd?
BH: You left the cat box open! It was so inviting!
AS: Okay, okay.
A little too much going on for Sloane and Bernard to handle with 90% of the PT guys here and bombarding S.D.'s two ace reporters with their questions and concerns. Looks like back to the drawing board for the two of them!
Monday, May 5, 2008
BH: Hi Louie
BH: So you won again?
BH: Do you remember Barney and Brutus?
BH: Barney and Brutus.
LA: Never heard of them.
BH: Here I got a picture...
LA: Oh Jesus!!
BH: Cool huh?
LA: Pretty good size for a little guy like you.
BH: Oh Yeah??? Well their gone!
BH: Ohhhhh is right! I was tricked! Foiled! Bamboozled! into thinking I was just going for a ride in the car. Dad dropped me off at this place where everyone was petting me and scratching behind my ears and the next thing I know... Lights out!! I was asleep.
LA: I don't sleep.
BH: And then what seemed like two minutes later, I'm awake. But something was different. I felt dizzy. I couldn't walk straight. But everyone was still really nice. Then... all of the sudden.. I notice Barney and Brutus weren't there!! How the?? What the?? I mean, they were there when I came into this place. Somebody stole them!! And you wanna know the worst part??? I saw Dad pay these people!! He paid them to steal my nuts!! Wait..... did you say you don't sleep?
LA: Well, it's very scientific actually. I am a student of bicycle racing. Even though I win most races I enter, I must continue to study the dynamics of the race at hand and play out the scenarios that could affect the outcome of the race. I must continue to analyze my competition and find the best possible way to put Worthingnut in the blender.
BH: Oh Jesus!!! You said nut!! Now I'm thinking of Barney and Brutus again! Everything has changed. My life is not the same!! I can't do what I used to.... My favorite hobby...
BH: It's too soon. I shouldn't have come back to work yet. I still need more time to mourne the loss.
LA: Their gone!! Get over it! I lost mine years ago!
BH: Wait.... what?
LA: Yeah dude. Took 25lbs off my body weight. How else do you think I can climb so well? You saw what it did for Lance Armstrong didn't you?
BH: Oh yeahhhhhhh.
LA: I just cut them off in the garage one day and the next thing you know.... I start winning races.
BH: Wow! I never knew.
LA: See, so it's all in your mind. You really didn't need them. In fact you are better without them. I hear you dad is happy cause you are not pissing on the rug anymore.
BH: You're right. I'm not. Is that why?
LA: Rite as rain my brotha.
BH: But I don't want to screw the cats anymore!
LA: Their CATS dude. You're not supposed to screw cats.
BH: Oh Jesus. I'm so confused.
LA: It will all come together for ya.
BH: I hope so.
LA: Besides, you got something coming up in July thats gonna really throw you for a loop!
BH: What? Tell me.
LA: I better leave that one alone. I'll let your Dad break that news.
BH: Life can't get more confusing than it already is.
LA: Oh contrare my friend.
BH: OK. Well anyway, congrats on the great season so far! You're a good bike rider!
LA: Thanks Dude.
Disclaimer: The Cuban Missle really didn't cut his nuts off in the garage to shave excess pounds. He mearly said that to ease the mind of the tormented reporter. Hats off to the Missle. Always looking for a way to make the K-9's feel better! Cesar Milan aint got nothin on the Missle!!
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Wide awake by about 3am.
At work between 4 and 5.
First coffee break by noon.
Think about riding the bike around 3pm.
Realizing I won't be riding the bike by about 6pm.
Think about heading home by 6:30.
Finally get home by about 8 or 9pm starving.
Chelada.. 9:05. Food 9:15
Pass out on the couch by 9:30.
Somewhere between 9:30 & 3:00 I make it up to bed to do it all over again.
Monday, March 17, 2008
For the past week or so Barnes and I have been painting the house trying to get it the way we want it. Trying to get it ready for company. Getting rid of the standard peachy/tan paint that covers every wall. We have made some good progress, but still got quite a way to go.
As I paint, I turn the sirius radio to "Hair Nation" and I swear to god... I could paint all day while listening to it. For those of you that are not familiar, Hair Nation is all 80's hair metal bands, over, and over, and over. I know sometimes it drives Barnes crazy but I think her thoughts are probably keep it on as long as it keeps me painting.
As I listened to Whitesnake, Bon Jovi, Poison, Motley Crue, Ratt, Dio, etc., etc. A song came on, that I don't know why, but it really made me start thinking of my childhood and adolesence. I don't know why this song triggered all these memories but for some reason I think I went through every possible emotion in the 5 minutes I listened to it. I thought about.. My brother and I playing with our hot wheels in the shrubs in front of the house on Cortez St. I thought of waking up early on the weekends and the two of us riding our bikes across town to meet Kyle Brewer and his sister so we could go to the "Ponds". I thought aobut Mom, Dad, Jared and I piling in the Celica and driving to Grandma and Johns. I couldn't wait to get there so we could swim in their pool. It didn't open until 10am and that seemed like 5pm to me when I was a kid. Why wasn't it just open all the time? I also thought of every time we got to Grandma's house she always made a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting for me. Still my favorite to this day although I never eat it anymore. I thought about always being upset when I would go to my friend Scott's house on Sundays and he couldn't come outside to play because it was "The Lords Day" I thought that was a crock then and I still do. Granted I'll probably go to hell for saying that. I thought about wood cutting with my dad and Grandpa. God I hated that. I remember how excited I used to get when the family would take a trip into Reno and the best time was when Mom and Dad took Jared and I to see Hello Hollywood. That made me feel grown up and it felt cool................
Now I'm grown up and want to feel like a kid again. Kind of ironic how life works out like that I guess.
Moral to this rant..... With Sloane on her way, I really hope Barnes and I can create as many good memories for her as Mom and Dad did for me. I hope we are not to busy to remember family.
Barnes and I had very similar up-bringings. Sometimes I am amazed at how similar they were in fact. We have talked about all the fun we had as kids and the great memories we had with Jared and Teddy and our parents.
It's pretty scary how different the world is now 25 years later, but I really hope Sloane can reflect 40 years from now and have all the great memories that I do.
By the way here is the song that triggered all that......
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Team PT showed up in force for this race and with a definite plan. To win. Now this is the plan for many of our races, actually most if not all of the races we do, we like to win. The team work PT is capable of is not rivaled by many. To steal something from the Troll, we watch videos and we practice.
True to form, about 2 or 3 miles in, Robo attacks. All part of the plan. Send someone up the road and force the other teams to chase. As they chase the rest of us cover the moves. In the early stages, Wingman, The Enforcer, Dr. Bill, and Magoo all go to work and cover keeping the Mt Goats, Bully, Freeze, RS, and Chicken fresh to protect the Boss when the road tilts up. Through the attacks from the other teams our plans changed up a little. RS seeming to not have the form we are used to seeing from him, found himself in the lauging group with the rest of us flat landers.
As we were trudging along the road of anonimity in true PT TTT fashion, cars were coming toward us warning us to slow. We rouded a right hand bend to see a rider lying on the road in a pool of blood. I glanced at him as we went by and could see that his helmet was smashed and his face covered in blood. I've seen it many times before. A rider lying on the ground after a crash and a few volunteers and a ref tending to the fallen rider. Our group of about 8 or 10 guys continued on. We crested one of the little climbs on the back side of the course and I survey'd the group and noticed RS was missing. I though we couldn't have dropped him, we are not going that hard. I asked the Wingman where RS was and the Wingman said that he stopped to help the guy who crashed.
At the time, I didn't really think much of it. At that point we were not riding for a placing. Our work for the team was done. We were basically on a training ride just getting the miles in the legs to prep for the rest of the season.
I thought alot about what kind of post I wanted to do this week. Do I want to finish the Cuban interview? Do I want to do a post about the differences between the two vehicles that traveled to SoCal and how the conversations were, I am sure, very different in those two vehicles. (Trust me that one would be funny) Nope I don't feel right if I don't recognize what RS did during the race.
Johnathan said when he stopped, the guy was unconcious and not breathing. He said that the ref and the other people that were there, were just standing there doing nothing.
I think about what if that was one of us in a pool of blood and everyone around was just standing there.
I don't know what happened to the guy who crashed. All I know is that when Johnathan stopped, he got off his bike to help and could have saved the guys life. Johnathan cleared the guys air way by doing something, I don't really understand, but it worked and they guy started breathing and came to. I think by the time Johnathan finally decided to finish his race the guy was concious and coherant.
What would have happened if Johnathan hadn't stopped? Maybe the guy would have been ok. I don't know.
Many things make me proud to be on this team. From the way we race, to the way we train, to the way we lay it on the line for one another and are not affraid to sacrafice for the best interest of the team.
We all get wrapped up in the heat of the battle and get our racing brains going full throttle, but when it comes down to it, we all have jobs. Racing is a hobby for us. Racing is a hobby for 95% of the people that showed up to Boulevard this weekend. From the juniors all the way to half of the pro field.
We have guys on this team who don't lose site of the big picture..... Life. The guy who crashed has a life and I am sure racing bikes is his hobby. Maybe Johnathan helped this guy extend his life a little longer.
The entire team did a great job this past weekend. Every race we do, I get a little more excited about the potential I see in everyone and what we can accomplish as a team, but the MVP award, this weekend, goes to Johnathan Edwards and it has nothing to do with his racing. Thanks Johnathan.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
JB: No way!
BH: He kinda farts with his hands.
JB: That's way cooler than racing bikes!
BH: I know, I heard the Cuban has opted to practice hand farting, and blowing off his 2x20's.
JB: Can ya blame him? I think I'll do the same.
So there you have it. With the Cuban and JB changing sports and focusing their training time on hand farting one is only left to wonder the future of PT.com.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Friday, January 18, 2008
was lucky enough to get an exclusive interview with the Lion King after this incredible announcement.
BH: So, you race bikes?
MC: Yesssa. I race bicicletta many many year.
BH: Do you like fancy clothes?
MC: I have many many closets in mi housa. I love Rock and Repulic jeans. Michael Ball is a great designer and an exciting new team owner.
BH: Ooooooo you said balls. Have you seen how big mine are? I like to lick them, wanna try?
MC: How can you do that? I wish I could do that to myselfa.
BH: How do you think you will fair against the mighty masters teams of SoCal?
MC: Seriously, how do you do that?
BH: I'm a dog man.
MC: I am the Lion King, I will have no trouble with those silly teams of SoCal.
BH: I piss on the rug.
BH: What if the Paul Tracy lead out dropped you?
MC: I lova Paul Tracy he driva fast cars.
BH: No no no, I mean the PT cycling team?
MC: Oh yesa, I hava heard of this team. I know they are going to be a very dificult challenge for me and my team.
BH: Yesterday I tried to hump the cat 17 times.
MC: I once maka love 64 times in one day!
BH: I took a poop that was 64cm long.
BH: How do you feel about racing with Tyler H.
MC: I lova Tyler, he great cyclist. He beat cuban at silverman.
BH: Yeah but the cuban used his own blood.
MC: Blood Schmud. It was never proven. Tyler lova dogs and he great man.
BH: Tugboat was awesome!
MC: Do you like my fancy jeans?
BH: Have you heard of "the click"?
MC: What is this clicka?
BH: 12 to 11 Cipo, I thought you were a sprinter.
MC: Oh yesa except mine not a silly clicka, mine more of a BANG!
BH: Oh god.
MC: I have to go now I must find something to go with these jeans.
BH: OK. Thanks for the chat Cipo. Good luck likin you balls!
Well there it is cycling fans. With such icons as Cipo and Bernard in their respect fields. One an incredible cyclist the other and incredible jouralist you are sure to get a very candid interview!