Sunday, July 20, 2008
Sunday, July 13, 2008
With no more than a weeks experience, and never before conducting an interview on her own, Squirrel Droppings had to call up Sloane Parker to the big leagues for her first in-depth interview!
More suprised at who she was interviewing, than the fact that she got the call....
the rookie reporter dove right in with the hard hitting personal questions meant to rattle the cage of the one they call Lance Coburn.
SP: How come your garage aint as cool as my dads?
LC: Ummmmmm.... I think your dad is smarter than me.
SP: And why don't you win all of the races you enter?
LC: Ummmmmm.... I think your dad is better looking than me.
SP: Oh snap!!!!!! I just found out the Boss won Cascade. I can't talk to you anymore!
SP: Hey Louie how does it feel to take Rogers money?
LA: You know, it's a great race and I traveled to Oregon to do my best. RS and Pooh rode like real soldiers, I owe alot to them.
SP: How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?
LA: He could chuck as much wood as a wood chuck could if a wood chuck could chuck wood.
SP: I think I pooped!
LA: Um, get ahold of yourself!
SP: So how's your hand.
LA: It really wasn't a problem.
SP: I heard it was cut off in a crash during the crit.
LA: Yeah good thing was there was plenty of Jack Daniels for me to numb the pain and RS sewed it back on with a rusty nail and some fishing line.
SP: He sure is smart!
LA: That's why we love him.
SP: So what's next on the calander for you?
LA: I may take a stab at time travel.
SP: Ooooooooohh. That would be cool.
LA: Yeah, I got some old tin cans and a transistor radio in the garage. Now all I need is 12 walnuts and porta pottie and I think I can visit 1987.
SP: Why 1987?
LA: That was when I swam to Vegas from Cuba.
SP: You can't swim to Vegas from Cuba.
LA: I can!
SP: How do you get through Cleveland?
LA: Swim harder, breath less.
SP: Do you like ponies?
LA: Sure I do.
SP: Will you buy me one?
LA: I'll see if I can bring one back in my time machine from 1987.
SP: Oh that would be fantastic!
LA: Looks like you are getting pretty big now.
SP: Yeah, I am up to 7lbs 5oz now.
LA: Holy smackers it seems like just yesterday you were 7lbs 2oz.
SP: I was.
SP: Ok. I gotta go take a nap now for the 14th time today.
LA: Good give your dad and mom a rest would ya!
SP: Congrats on the great win at Cascade!
LA: Thanks kiddo!
Back at the office, Bernard was a little suprised when Sloane laid down for her nap. He must have heard how successful her interview was and is a little worried she may step into the lead reporter role.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Unbeknownst to both Sloane and Bernard, S.D. bugged the press room to record their first conversation..
B.H. You know this is my beat.
B.H. Yeah, I do the interviews here.
S.L. I'm only a baby I can't really talk so I don't know how my questions would sound.
B.H. Yeah, I don't have lips and I'm actually a dog, so maybe we can work off of each others cues and score some great interviews.
S.L. I think I just poop'd in my diaper!
B.H. sniff sniff. yep!
A pretty harmless/uneventfull meeting. Sloane and Bernard set off for their first interview together.
They find themselves at TNW to interview some of their favorite people. In attendance is the entire PT cycling team.... Duh. First to stop for a chat is the one they call King.
King: Hey Bernard, who is your little partner?
BH: Sloan she just showed up the other day. I don't know if I like her.
King: Wow! Don't be a hater.
BH: I don't hate her, but she cries alot and she stinks!
BH: So I guess you won a race now?
King: AZ state championships!
SL: Fart fart.... I'm hungry!
BH: And an upgrade?
King: Cat III!!
In walks the Wingman.
WM: Hey I won a race, how come you never interview'd me?
BH: Um.... who are you again?
WM: No respect! I bury myself for this team and no one notices when I win.
In walks the Boss.
LA: Oh we noticed bro. It's about time you took one...two for yourself!
SL: Hi Louie! How many races have you won now?
In walks the Enforcer.
KB: F him..... I won a race too!
SL: Holy Crap! how many races has this team won now?
LA: No body knows.... your lazy dad is supposed to keep track!
SL: I think he's been a little preocupied for the past couple of months. He'll catch up, never you fret!
In walks Pamela Anderson.
SL: Look lunch!!
BH: Whoops wrong pair kiddo!
In walks the Chicken.
MA: It's okay. I'll take care of her.
LA: Who? Pam or Sloane?
Pam leaves the room, realizing this is the wrong party. The chicken quickly scurries after her.
MA: (screaming) Come back!!
KB: Okay. This is out of control and I am board as hell with this interview, I'm outta here!
LA: Me too!
In walks Robocop, The Deciple, RS, Polako and the Squirrel.
AS: Why don't you two interview these guys as well.
SL: Jesus dad, with so many wins and my limited vocabulary we can't interview everyone!
BH: I can do it, I can do it!
AS: Okay, shoot.
BH: Robo, what is your favorite color?
RC: Beer and hot weather.
BH: Deciple, have you ever ate a cat turd?
BH: I have! They're delicious!
BH: RS, how come you are so strong.
RS: Cause I don't know any better.
AS: Not quite the questions we were looking for Bernard! You ate a cat turd?
BH: You left the cat box open! It was so inviting!
AS: Okay, okay.
A little too much going on for Sloane and Bernard to handle with 90% of the PT guys here and bombarding S.D.'s two ace reporters with their questions and concerns. Looks like back to the drawing board for the two of them!