After a long break, Squirrel Droppings own Bernard Hinault sat down, once again, to talk to the one they call the Cuban Missle fresh of his win at San Luis Rey.
BH: Hi Louie
BH: So you won again?
BH: Do you remember Barney and Brutus?
BH: Barney and Brutus.
LA: Never heard of them.
BH: Here I got a picture...
LA: Oh Jesus!!
BH: Cool huh?
LA: Pretty good size for a little guy like you.
BH: Oh Yeah??? Well their gone!
BH: Ohhhhh is right! I was tricked! Foiled! Bamboozled! into thinking I was just going for a ride in the car. Dad dropped me off at this place where everyone was petting me and scratching behind my ears and the next thing I know... Lights out!! I was asleep.
LA: I don't sleep.
BH: And then what seemed like two minutes later, I'm awake. But something was different. I felt dizzy. I couldn't walk straight. But everyone was still really nice. Then... all of the sudden.. I notice Barney and Brutus weren't there!! How the?? What the?? I mean, they were there when I came into this place. Somebody stole them!! And you wanna know the worst part??? I saw Dad pay these people!! He paid them to steal my nuts!! Wait..... did you say you don't sleep?
LA: Well, it's very scientific actually. I am a student of bicycle racing. Even though I win most races I enter, I must continue to study the dynamics of the race at hand and play out the scenarios that could affect the outcome of the race. I must continue to analyze my competition and find the best possible way to put Worthingnut in the blender.
BH: Oh Jesus!!! You said nut!! Now I'm thinking of Barney and Brutus again! Everything has changed. My life is not the same!! I can't do what I used to.... My favorite hobby...
BH: It's too soon. I shouldn't have come back to work yet. I still need more time to mourne the loss.
LA: Their gone!! Get over it! I lost mine years ago!
BH: Wait.... what?
LA: Yeah dude. Took 25lbs off my body weight. How else do you think I can climb so well? You saw what it did for Lance Armstrong didn't you?
BH: Oh yeahhhhhhh.
LA: I just cut them off in the garage one day and the next thing you know.... I start winning races.
BH: Wow! I never knew.
LA: See, so it's all in your mind. You really didn't need them. In fact you are better without them. I hear you dad is happy cause you are not pissing on the rug anymore.
BH: You're right. I'm not. Is that why?
LA: Rite as rain my brotha.
BH: But I don't want to screw the cats anymore!
LA: Their CATS dude. You're not supposed to screw cats.
BH: Oh Jesus. I'm so confused.
LA: It will all come together for ya.
BH: I hope so.
LA: Besides, you got something coming up in July thats gonna really throw you for a loop!
BH: What? Tell me.
LA: I better leave that one alone. I'll let your Dad break that news.
BH: Life can't get more confusing than it already is.
LA: Oh contrare my friend.
BH: OK. Well anyway, congrats on the great season so far! You're a good bike rider!
LA: Thanks Dude.
Disclaimer: The Cuban Missle really didn't cut his nuts off in the garage to shave excess pounds. He mearly said that to ease the mind of the tormented reporter. Hats off to the Missle. Always looking for a way to make the K-9's feel better! Cesar Milan aint got nothin on the Missle!!