Saturday, August 25, 2007

One of these kids is not like the others

So I got this thing with my throat. And it really effects my voice and effects my ability to breath. Not so much normally during excercise or cycling, but more so when I try and talk. Simple problem with no solution. Growths on the vocal chords that keep growing back. I've dealt with this damn thing (RRP) for the past 15 years and each year it gets more frustrating. About every three or four months I get a trip to the hospital to have them surgically removed. Big deal, it is not painful at all, on a scale of one to ten I would say it is about a two. By far the worst thing about it is my inability to communicate. After surgery I have about two months where my voice sounds normal and it is not difficult to talk but then about the third month all hell breaks loose. The voice get really hoarse and I struggle with every word. It always seems that it happens around a time when I am traveling to a big race, or I have a meeting at work, where I have to talk alot, or something like that.
This time my voice gave out right around the time I was battling work about insurance coverage. With my move to Vegas coming soon (not soon enough) I tried to be pro-active and get better coverage. Only problem is the move to V got pushed back about 3 months and I had already changed the insurance. Now the throat gets bad and I have to find a new Dr. Not any Dr, a specialist. ENT Guy. So I have to get a primary care Dr. first then get a referal, then the Dr. I get the referal to has not dealt with a patient with RRP in about 23 years!
Wait..... I'm tired of pissin on an on about the insurance etc. The real thing that frustrates me is when I lose my voice, I just don't want to be around anyone and the people I am around unfortunately have to deal with a complete asshole. I don't want to do anything, I'd rather be stranded on an island until they wheel me into the operating room to give me back my singing voice.
If I wasn't married and I didn't have family and friends and a career, I could almost make it seem like I was on that island. However, I do have the best family and friends anyone could ask for, and my wife...........some times I wonder what she see's in me. She is the one who gets the brunt of my frustration. I am usually set off by something at work. It could be anything, but it all has to do with my voice and difficulty communicating. So I get home pissed off and she see's it and feels it. I know I am an asshole at times and I know it upsets her but she never breaths a word of it. I know at times, many times, she feels I am mad at her. She is the last person in the world I would get mad at. She is the light at the end of the tunnel, the silver lining on my cloudy day and whatever other gay cliche I can come up with.
I love my wife more than anything in the world.
We are about to start our real life pretty soon (The move to Vegas) and finally start letting our roots set in and I can't wait. I couldn't be happier that we are landing there together. I went to S.D. to find her, drug her up to NorCal, made her lose a ton of money in this shitty real estate market, now I am dragging her to Vegas and you know what....... she still keeps smilin and telling me she loves me.
Throat problems and all, I still consider myself a very lucky man.


Your Wife said...

I love you


Chicky said...

I love you too poopie!...That was
sweet though.